Baffled By This Age...

I am twenty-five years old. Two and a half decades. Is this old? Is this young? Should I have accomplished more by this age? Should I be settled and focused by this age? Should I just be concerned with enjoying life at this age?

I find myself often plagued by these questions. I'm also not sure that they matter at all. I can't define myself by how many years I've existed, regardless of the fact that such definition is what we- individuals and society- are constantly trying to do. Checking that little age box is a day to day mental process.

But we all know age is relative. And while these numbers might be something to look forward to or dread when they're upcoming(driving at sixteen, drinking at twenty-one or losing my youth at thirty- I know that's not really true for thirty but that doesn't stop me fearing it) and look back on with nostalgia or relief after they've passed, they mean nothing to us when we're living them.

I'm 25. So what. It means nothing: twenty-five (though, in a scary side note, I have finally reached the age where I don't always automatically know how old I am when questioned).

I know I should set goals based on what I, as an individual, need or want. Instead I often find myself trying to set goals based on my perception of what a person living in this magical, glowing number '25' should be. Maybe because I, as an individual, have no idea what I need or want.

Looking around at my 'peers', there are a few I admire or desire to emulate. But more act as warnings and even more are like me- drifting in this nebulous mid-twenties zone. It seems strange, by the way, to call an age group my peers this long out of secondary school, even though I know this is standard practice. But now that I no longer have to worry about them pressuring me into cigarettes, drinking, or drugs, the term has lost its initial meaning. I suppose this perception of the 25 year old that I'm struggling with is the new peer pressure- get married, have kids, live in a foreign country, be somehow more fringe and less establishment, get a career instead of a job, party harder and longer now while I'm young- things like that.

There's a lot of talk about delayed adolescence or late adolescence, starting after college and stretching into the early thirties. Arrested Development. Quarter-life crisis. Caused most probably by the plethora of choices available to the modern young adult. It's not a bad thing. But, one thing I know from living it is that it's quite overwhelming.


Anyway, today's sign that I am still quite young: I like to run down deserted hallways, just for fun...just because somewhere deep down, it still feels forbidden.