For some reason, I tend to get sad around paper writing time. Sentimental. Wistful. Lonely-- almost angsty-- with a slight, tight pressure in my chest that reminds me of past hurts but is probably the result of panic.
Okay, I say "some reason" like it's random and I can't understand it, but actually there are a few specific reasons.
- I spend a lot of time alone and in my head. Which is never good.
- Paper writing is the end of the semster: i.e. the end of an era, which is always somewhat sad in itself.
- I am very stressed, I am not sleeping enough, and I see very little sunshine. The combination results in a mental state very much like the worst PMS.
- I am looking for reasons to ignore my paper, and reminiscing is a good way to do it. And while reminiscing with people makes me smile, laugh, and feel good, reminiscing alone generally produces the opposite feeling.
See how reasonable and, truly, easily avoidable this emotional state is? And yet, I sink down into the bog, the mire, every paper writing period. Boo.
Luckily, after the paper writing comes much celebrating and general merriment. Plus, I suppose, the accomplished feeling of having written/triumphed over my papers. So it's all worth it in the end.
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