The one about hickeys...

Conversation that may or may not have occurred in the near or distant past...

Coworker: What's that on your neck? Is that a bruise or a hickey?
Me: Uh...
Coworker: It's a hickey, isn't it?
Me: Uh...
Coworker: It is!
Me: Uh...yes?
Coworker: (erupts into mannish giggles)
Me: I shoulda said it was a bruise.
Coworker: Yeah, then I would have said to everyone in the office, 'Hey, come look at this bruise! Doesn't it kind of look like a hickey?'


Remember, in college, when hickeys used to be kind of fun?

War wounds. Prizes. Battlescars. Marks. Tags. Notches in a bedpost. They could shock or bewilder and cause all kinds of gossip.

I had a friend who would end up with these huge, angry looking hickeys on her neck, randomly at parties, courtesy of a friend she used to date. They wouldn't be making out or anything: he would just grab her and hickefy. And we'd laugh about it- ha, ha, look at those big, vicious welts of passion. Hickeys were viewed in a similar light as the walk of shame: funny and generally harmless. A crowd of your friends would hoot n' holler at you in amused and semi-jealous tones, "Ooh, look who got some last night!" A hickey could make you a hero and sometimes a bit of a loser, but either way, you were the kid with the best story to tell.

Entra the Real World.

And you made a mistake or you had a great time and now you have a hickey. It isn't evil and bright red, like my friend's used to be, but it's there all the same: a smudge of a bruise on the curve of your neck, a leftover from the weekend.

And, it's summer. Which makes your options on hiding it extremely limited. You'd look a little foolish coming into work in a turtleneck in late May. Plus, as one of the youngest, hippest members of the office (if you do say so yourself), you're pretty sure you wouldn't be fooling anyone. They probably all wonder if you get around anyway.

Because not only do you have a hickey- you're a single girl with a hickey. Which makes you a slut with an ugly neck.

Hickeys do not belong in the workplace. They do not help with memos. They cause co-workers to stare. The best a hickey can provide in the workplace is a distraction from the general mind-numbing work: "Gah, I think my make-up is wearing off" or "Ah, I'd better try and fluff my hair over my neck again" or "Mmm...remember how I got that hickey?".

Hickeys: yet another indication of how much more fun life was in college. In college, hickeys could be proclaimed or hidden, depending on your mood. Here, there's option B or disgrace.

Not that I have a hickey or anything. I'm not a slut with an ugly neck. I just thought it would be an interesting topic to write about...


On an unrelated note: I watch way too much television. And I'm totally buying a tivo for my move to the big city.