Okay. I didn't actually kill my cat. But I think I came pretty close.

For a couple of weeks now, I have noticed that Darcy sometimes makes a wheezing sound when she breathes. I decided, instead of taking her to the vet, to monitor her, which really means I-am-so-poor-that-I-don't-get-to-go-to-the-doctor's-so-why-should-my-cat? So I monitored. And she wheezed. But she didn't seem to be getting any worse. So I wasn't too worried.

Then last night, I'm sitting on my bed, typing on my laptop and absently petting the cat, which is what cats are best for, when the wheezing started again. And as the cat wheezed and I pet her head and then her neck, I suddenly realized: this cat is over ten months old. And I have not changed her collar one bit since I got her when she was three months old.

And she's grown a lot since then. And gotten much, much fatter.

Yes, everyone. I was slowly choking my cat to death.

Not that she wanted to be saved. When I tried to take the collar off, she scratched me. And bit me. And then, when I couldn't find the collar's buckle and cut it off in a fit of desperation, she scratched and bit me some more.

But she's alive! And collar-free. Because, really, what does an indoor cat need a collar for? I only made her wear it because I didn't want to risk the possibility of her somehow getting outside and getting lost and DYING.

In other news that doesn't make me look quite so incompetent, I miss living with girls. I mean, I like boys well enough (despite previous posts that might seem to indicate the contrary), but I miss girl roommates. I need someone to chat with late at night. I need someone to help me pick out outfits when I've got nothing after thirty solid minutes in front of a mirror. I need someone to help me eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's in one sitting, after a crappy day at work. I need to have spontaneous Grey's Anatomy conversations over dinner. I need to be able to wander into the next room and find someone to do my hair. I need random dance parties.

And I'm tired of coming home to sports.